I May Have Missed a Week or Two…
Hello everyone! You may have noticed that you are not reading this on a Monday… June has always been a busy month for me, so for the past few Mondays, I have been busy doing stuff with family and friends. I’m sorry if you guys were worried! Although I generally have the time to write during the week, I find it hard to do so. Let me explain…
Recently, I feel like I don’t really have a lot to write about. Time’s been kind of blurry for the past…several months? The pandemic was definitely not helpful, but a few days ago I had a conversation with my husband about how maybe it wasn’t just the pandemic getting me down…it might be my medicine?
I got put on anti-depressants sometime back in late 2019/early 2020, and it was nice! The sadness I usually feel during winter wasn’t nearly as bad as usual. But as the seasons changed, my mood stayed pretty stagnant. However, I didn’t really notice. I just kept doing what I was doing, floating to the couch at the end of every day and playing Animal Crossing and watching YouTube until it was bedtime.
I thought nothing of it until Matt said, “You’ve changed a lot in five years.”
I was like, “???” There was no way I had changed that much in that amount of time. Was there?
As I mulled it over, however, I realized that he might be right. Technically I felt better, but in all actuality, I don’t really feel strongly one way or the other. I knew he meant no harm in telling me what I needed to hear, so I thought about his words for a long time. Thanks to outside observation and a good amount of introspection, I came to the conclusion that I should probably feel something!
Finding the right medication is hard, no matter what you need it for. I know I got extremely lucky when I only had to adjust my ADHD meds once. Because that happened, I thought finding the right anti-depressant would be easy as well. Now that I’ve looked back on how every day has been essentially the same for an embarrassingly long time, I think that might not be the case.
In true Mary fashion, I haven’t made an appointment with the doctor or anything. I plan on doing it soon, though! Like I said, June is a busy month. I know I would love to try a new anti-depressant that doesn’t zap all of the energy out of me every day. Sticking to writing everyday has unfortunately been a huge challenge because I run on empty every day after work. All of my energy goes to my customers! It’s a great deal for them, but my personal life is not as great…I feel like I can have both a great work life and a great personal life if I tweak my medicine and make an effort to break out of my after work habits.
“But Mary,” you might be thinking, “It’s YOUR blog, you don’t have to explain yourself at all.” To that I say, I know!! I don’t have to at all. However, I like sharing my mental health journey with people because it helps normalize mental health in general. Some people still think that talking about one’s mental health is taboo. I can’t imagine sweeping my own problems under the rug, never to be seen.
Over time, I’ve learned to be open and honest with people and because of that, I realized that not everyone feels like they need to be. Sharing my personal stories, whether it’s talking about switching up anti-depressants or sharing my honeymoon with you all (and of course, everything in between) gives me hope that people will feel comfortable doing the same with the people they love. It’s why I love this blog and feel so guilty that I haven’t kept up on it this June!
Soooooooooo my bad. I am brainstorming an Ideas List, something I did when I first started this blog and stopped doing recently (I don’t know why I stopped…it’s such a great resource for when I run out of ideas!!). Look for your regularly scheduled blog post on Monday, and if you have anything you’d like me to write about, let me know on Twitter! Any topic, whether it’s a short story, a review, or just me talking to you guys…I’m going to try to make the list as broad as I can so it’s not the same thing every week as well.
Anyways, thanks for being patient with me, long-time readers. And for new readers…why are you reading this blog post first? You’re silly. I’ve got plenty more posts to choose from! Stick around for something new next week! But like…for real this time…!
