Heart Songs

I love music of (mostly) all genres. But as much as I love music, there are certain songs I can’t listen to anymore. There’s even certain artists that are off limits. No matter how much time has past, I avoid those songs and artists like the plague.

Why? Why do we associate music with memories and feelings? The reminders of past events and people who’ve come and gone from our lives are etched into those lyrics, whether we like it or not.

I can’t listen to Børns or Florence and the Machine anymore because of Damian’s passing. “Fuck the Pain Away” by Peaches was his jam, and I can’t stand to listen to it anymore as well. Certain Wale and Ludacris songs get skipped because of a bad situationship (which sucks, because I LOVE Ludacris). “Lovely Day” by Bill Withers reminds me of my old coworker who’s also passed, and every time I hear it at work I have to steel my emotions to this day.

On the flip side, there are some songs that remind me of good times. “Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur is Matt and I’s song, and “Get The Party Started” by Pink reminds me of my elementary school best friend. When I hear those songs, it takes me to a good, almost bittersweet place.

No matter how sad or happy or whatever I feel, I never take those songs I can’t listen to off of my playlist. Sometimes, I put on “Ceremonials” by Florence and remind myself that Damian wouldn’t want to see me upset. “The Body” by Wale comes on shuffle and I don’t skip it because I want to remember how far I’ve come from the place I was in back when I was in that situationship. When “Lovely Day” comes on at work, sometimes I hum along and chuckle at all the silly things Steve said while we worked together.

I know there will be songs I can’t listen to in the future, like “Hand in Glove” by the Smiths or “Tom Sawyer” by Rush. There might be some songs I love listening to now that I can’t listen to in the future because of death, or loss of another kind. I soak in the love and happiness I feel from those songs now so that later, I can remember that happy feeling through my sorrow.

Music speaks to your heart, whether you realize it or not. I’m sure other people have songs connected to certain times in their lives, certain people they can no longer see. I may skip the songs most of the time, but I’ll never take away the chance to hear them one more time in the light that I did before. To do so would be too permanent of a choice, the memory of those times and those people lost to my selfish desire to never feel upset. It’s okay to get upset! It’s also okay to remember.

So when I come up on those songs next, I might let them play. I owe it to the memories I have inside to let them be remembered.

Hello everyone! Today, I’ve had lots of kids songs in my head thanks to hanging out with Olivia all weekend. It made me think of how when I’m old I’ll probably look back on all those nursery rhymes and smile, remembering how small and cute Olivia is now. Then, I thought of all the songs I’ve avoided over the years and, well…there’s the post of the day!

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I’ll see you here next time with something new!