Four Months In
There are a lot of not so fun things about being a mom: diaper changes, waking up at all hours of the night, a screaming baby in your ear. But there are also a lot of good things about being a mom: baby smiles, baby laughs, baby snores. The act of finding a cute outfit for the day and the baby not spitting up on it immediately, or playing peekaboo and watching their face light up.
When I was a kid, I knew I wanted to be a mom. I didn’t really play with baby dolls, and I got nervous around real babies up until I was in my mid-20s, but for some reason, I knew being a mom was my ultimate goal. Creating a little human and watching them become whatever they want to be, with all the ups and downs in between…it appealed to me like no other job in the world could. It wasn’t even the societal expectations that say “you need to have kids” that got me. It was just some deep inner knowledge that being a mom was what I was supposed to do.
Now that I’m here, holding Olivia in one hand and typing this out on my phone with the other, I feel like the luckiest person ever. It’s weird because it does get hard and overwhelming, and sometimes I need a break that doesn’t come; I even think about my life pre-Olivia and get a little wistful. At the same time, I wouldn’t change anything about having her. For the past four months, I’ve been so happy with how I’ve been getting along with being a mom.
I’m lucky to have Matt as Olivia’s dad. He’s always willing to let me take a breather, or spend the day with her while I do whatever I need to do. She lights up when she sees us, and it makes my whole day to pick her up from my dad’s after work and see her big gummy smile.
It’s exciting to think about her future. Will she be a girly girl? Will she like sports and the outdoors? Will she like video games like her dad? Is she going to have a big laugh like me? Or will she be quiet and introverted? There’s so many things she has to experience. It’s kind of cool thinking about all the books and movies and TV shows she has no idea about. It’s also cool to think there’s going to be new stuff in media that she’ll discover before me, and then most likely abandon when I think it’s cool too.
Being a mom is hard work. Rewarding, but hard! I’m happy that I found someone who wanted to be a dad, and I’m happy that we have Olivia (who is happy and strangely chill for a baby…I expect her to go crazy when she gets a little older!). I’m hopeful for the future, where Matt and I get our own place and Olivia can explore and make new friends. For now, I’m gonna soak up all of these baby cuddles.
Hello everyone! I was thinkin’ real hard about how it’s been being Olivia’s mom today, so I decided to write about it! Hopefully this short post is good, and you like the small window of insight I’ve written about today. If you liked it, consider subscribing to me here on Medium! I also tweet a fair bit (not as much anymore cause I’m a little preoccupied with Olivia) so follow me on Twitter as well if you’d like!
Thanks for reading, as always! I’ll see you here next week with something new!