A Reflection on Pronouns
When I was a kid, I knew I was some sort of queer. I had a crush on every boy, of course, but girls were just…fascinating. Eventually, I learned about the LGBT community; it didn’t hurt that both of my parents were a part of it, so I learned all of the words and phrases that are now commonplace in mainstream society pretty fast.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve loved seeing the new language people have been using to identify themselves. I myself have even benefitted from this, as I realized I’m not bisexual, but pansexual. To most people, they are the same, but to me, they are night and day different.
If you are unaware of the difference between bi and pan, just know that it’s more of a Venn Diagram than anything. Pansexual people love who they love regardless of gender. To bisexual people, gender matters. It’s a subtle difference that really makes a difference in how people identify.
Identifying with the pansexual community opened up a new world of vocabulary and people who use it for me. I never knew about those who are Genderqueer, or people who don’t identify as female or male. I learned all about Genderfluidity, and how some people just exist as Themselves, not as anything that can be put into a box. I remember being confused about this, but intrigued. Thinking about how someone can feel neither one or the other was a new concept that I never really considered in my life.
When I was young, I was definitely a tomboy. All the classic tropes about tomboys could be applied to Little Mary. I’d sit outside in the grass during recess and think about how I didn’t really “feel like a girl” that day. Little Mary’s brain just figured I was feeling more tomboy-ish than usual.
As I grew out of the tomboy stereotype and grew into whatever you’d call me today, I realized that I never really grew out of feeling like I was a “boy” or a “girl”…I just feel like Me. Over the course of my life, I’ve met and loved many people who use different pronouns than what they were born with. It never occurred to me that I might feel more Me if I started using different pronouns than just “she/her”.
I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I made up my mind the day Instagram updated their app to include pronouns on people’s profiles. I had put my pronouns in my Twitter bio, so I planned on putting “she/her” in my Insta bio too. As I typed it in, I looked at it and thought to myself, “This isn’t quite right.” I had been thinking on and off about changing my pronouns for years, but never really committed either way. Admittedly I just didn’t want to deal with telling everyone and remembering to correct them (classic Lazy Mary).
So, when I looked at my Instagram bio and saw “she/her”, I went ahead and threw “they” in there. I didn’t really feel all tingly inside or get a wave of intense emotion after I hit the “OK” button. If anything, I just felt good. It felt and looked right to see the word “they” in my profile, so I mozied on over to Twitter and did the same.
Of course, I don’t expect anything to change. After all, I still go by “she/her”, too. Many more people are worried about their own new pronouns being used correctly that I feel like mine aren’t as pressing or crucial to my happiness. I will still be secretly happy if people remember my “they/them” preference in passing, of course! It just doesn’t matter to me as much if other people remember. What matters to me is that I know that I don’t have to commit to feeling weird on days where I don’t feel like my gender.
In true Mary fashion, however, I feel like none of this makes sense out loud! Thinking about this stuff always makes me feel silly, seeing as at the end of the day, we’re all just humans on this special rock floating in space. It doesn’t REALLY matter what people want to identify as, but humans don’t live life in a grand scale like that.
We all want to be included and welcome in our daily lives, and one way to make people feel good is to remember what they like to be called. Nicknames are like that, and so are pronouns!
Hello everyone! Last week, I made the decision to tweak my pronouns after mulling it over for a long time. What better way to celebrate that than writing a blog post about it? It’s always been a big deal to me that I don’t misgender people, or call them something they don’t want to be called, so I thought I’d talk a tiny bit about that too. Different pronouns are becoming more accepted in mainstream society today, and that makes me very happy to see. After all, being able to happily live your truth is what life is all about.
Of course, I’m not the Master of Pronouns…I suggest doing your own research if you’re curious about different phrases and words people use to describe themselves. Here’s a place to start!
As always, thanks for reading! If you’d like to keep up with me, you can follow me on Twitter. I also have a ko-fi, so if you liked what you read today, consider tipping me on there! All the money I receive on ko-fi goes straight to my self-publishing pool. I’m working on a novel that I hope will see the light of day one day, and any tips will get me closer to that goal! (Don’t feel like you HAVE to tip, though. You reading this today makes me just as happy!)
I’ll see you all here next week for something new! Thanks again for reading!
